Came home feeling totally beat up and exhausted last night, after two extremely busy weeks. My creative and musical life has been put on hold. I have been overwhelmed and disgusted and sometimes just too tired to care. I slept over ten hours last night. Feel better today, and need this time to start to heal my creative soul. I found a poem I wrote on December 28, 2014 called “Tough Hope.” It was inspired by reading the survival story Hatchet by Gary Paulsen with my students, and my personal reading of John Gatto’s book Weapons of Mass Instruction. It is all I have to offer today while I get my bearings.
Spanish red at dusk
humid evening
back from a brisk walk
softness in the baby blue sky
dotted-swiss pink clouds
burgundy and goldenrod orchids
about to say goodbye
strings of colorful lights create a garland
in the lanai across the way
fountain sounds loud — a waterfall tonight
motorcycle in the distance
kids skateboarding in the streets
“Do a 360”
ducks hunkered down in the bone dry
grass, pondside
enough swimming today
now it’s time to say goodbye
to all it was
Because today was a day
of questioning
of looking at everything
(or so it seemed)
straight in the eye.
What is truth?
What can change?
What is my role in this holy hell mess?
It isn’t what people tell me it is
it is something more
something I have been primed for in my
open school of life
I’ve seen all sides
felt the joy of independent learning
the straight-jacket of the meaningless
A voice inside tells me
Be the best teacher you can be
Be tough.
Provide confidence
and strength
and stepping stones
and real work.
Everyone says “engage”
but that can mean “keep ’em busy.”
Engaged minds is what I’m all about
solid direction
and conviction.
My voice in the wilderness saying
Think!
What do you think?
What do you see?
What is your contribution?
Ignore the foolbirds.
Stay away from the moose.
Be wise.
Hold your breath and dive.
Survive.
